You sit down, ready to face the challenge that is school. You blindly reach for your pencil as you prepare to begin your work. You touch something, and you immediately rip your hand away from it.
Oh my God, that is not your pencil. That feels completely disgusting. What is that? You look down, and you see it, the destroyer of worlds: gum. You race out of the classroom to wash your hands.
Gum is a serious and seriously disgusting problem in Fivay High School. People seem to think it’s okay to just leave it anywhere, but that is so not okay. Ever. Why do people feel the need to just stick their gum to whatever surface is nearest?
You know those anti tobacco commercials that say smoking a cigarette is like signing a contract? Well, the same goes for chewing gum. With every piece of gum that you chew, you sign a contract that entails you will throw that piece of gum away when you are done with it. Throw it away. Not leave on the first surface you lay eyes on.
I swear, people do it on purpose. People purposely leave gum in places other people will see and touch it and be completely grossed out. This has to be true, because I don’t know why someone would leave a piece of gum on a locker otherwise.
Leaving your gum wherever you feel like it is not only absolutely repulsive, but disgusting. You need to stop it. Like now. That is just so extremely annoying and every time I see it I feel the urge to purge.
So for just once in your life, I am begging you, students of Fivay, to do the conscientious thing. Show that you are not a completely horrible and disgusting human being with no sense of cleanliness or hygiene. Take care of your gum. And when i say this, I mean throw it away.
And before you say whatever and just write me off, you need to know that if you don’t take care of your gum, I will know. I will be there when you are about to stick it on the desk in front of you. And I will tell Santa and your mommy right after I write you a strongly worded letter with bold print and exclamation points. Yeah, this just got real.
- Shanda Johnson